Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
