he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
