you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
