he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
