oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
