I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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