just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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