i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
