it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
