I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
