It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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