the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
