i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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