i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
