So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
