he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry about my life...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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