got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
