got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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