I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
