I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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