in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
