You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
