This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
