come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
