today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
