Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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