I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
