hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
