Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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