And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I look better un-naked...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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