Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
