Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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