508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
