i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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