Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
