I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
