yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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