My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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