I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it glows. i had to have it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
