Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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