Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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