just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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