okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
