You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
