i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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