i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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