I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
