okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
