you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
