It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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