I'm jealous of your bromance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
