it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
