My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
