just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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