i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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