Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
