When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
